A Defensive Christmas
by Kat097
Summary: Completely Unnecessary Sequel to 'A Defensive Situation'. Christmastime in the Phantom Household is far from merry. Especially when Christine does the unthinkable, the unreasonable, the absolutely horrifyingly terrible...
1. In Which Erik Plays With His Organ

**A/N: Merry Christmas! Or, in twelve days, Merry Christmas!**

**Here's the deal – last year, I wrote a Teen Titans Christmas story. 12 chapters, one a day in the 12 days leading up to Christmas. The last chapter was posted on Christmas Eve. So I thought, why not do it again but for POTO?**

**This is a sort of sequel to _A Defensive Situation_. It's not urgent that you read that, but it might help because there will be some references to stuff in it. And also, it's kinda amusing! At least, I like to think so. **

**So here it is. In all it's glory (which there isn't much of) and with no further ado, I give you the first chapter of…**

**A Defensive Christmas**

**Or**

**How To Squeeze More Reviews Out Of An Already Successful Story By Writing A Completely Unnecessary Sequel**

**Chapter 1**

For those of you who have read **A Defensive Situation**, you will remember that it ended something like this:

"**_Erik and Christine didn't quite live happily ever after. They were happy, but had many arguments, many revolving around whether Buffy should be with Spike or Angel. But generally, they got along very well. With the help of many pineapples, cookies, milk and bottles of Nytol._**

_**So the story didn't end there.**_

**_It ended here_."**

A thoroughly satisfying ending for all involved. Unless you haven't read the story. In which case I recommend that you do so, since I'm something of a review-whore and the rest of the story might not make sense. Anyway, where was I? Ah yes. A thoroughly satisfying ending for all involved.

In theory. But, of course, things do tend to carry on a bit further than 'the end'.

It had been several months since Christine and Erik had decided to give it another go. And to be fair, their go was going quite well. As far as marriage, anyway.

And so we join the happy couple in their home beneath the Opera Populaire where we can find the Phantom of the Opera, the Living Corpse, Opera Ghost or, as his friends call him, Erik sat in front of the television, sipping a glass of milk and watching a rerun of 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'.

"Erik?" Christine called. Her husband didn't reply, so engrossed was he with the episode.

"Erik, I need to talk to you."

"Can't it wait? Spike and Buffy are arguing and I think there may be some fighting." Erik said vaguely, watching intently. Christine came out of the kitchen and glanced at the screen.

"You've seen this episode." Christine pointed out. "They sleep together and then Buffy goes into denial."

"Well, now you've ruined it." Erik pouted. Christine rolled her eyes.

"Erik, we need to talk about Christmas."

Erik peered up at her.

"Christmas? Why on earth do we need to talk about that? Its ages away."

"It's next Tuesday." Christine said flatly.

Erik stared at her.

"No it isn't."

"Yes, it is."

"You're wrong! Look!" He marched over to the calendar and looked at it. "Christmas is… well, would you look at that? You learn something new everyday."

"So can we talk about it?"

"What?"

"Christmas!"

"Oh, that. I suppose so."

He settled back into his armchair and Christine sat down next to him.

"We need to sort out gifts, Christmas dinner and we really should have a party, you know. It's only polite. I haven't seen Meg or Madame Giry in ages and you've been deliberately ignoring Nadir's phone calls."

"He wants more money for his pension." Erik pouted.

"Erik, we get twenty-thousand a month. Surely you can raise his pension a little."

"I most certainly can not! He can learn to live with what he's got!" Erik said snootily. Christine sighed. He really was most difficult at times.

"We can discuss that later. And remember that Raoul and Dennis are coming for tea today."

"I don't like her."

"Dennis is nice. Leave her alone. And you liked her when she was giving you free cookies."

"That's different. She hasn't sent me cookies in ages." Erik sulked. Christine glared at him.

"She's bringing cookies today but you won't be having any with that attitude!"

Erik sighed and straightened up.

"What about the fop? I certainly don't like him and no amount of baked goods could convince me otherwise."

"Don't call him a fop! And you will be polite because he is my-"

"Ex husband."

"-Childhood friend and he didn't make a big fuss about the divorce." Christine finished.

"That doesn't mean I have to like him." Erik said sulkily. Christine sighed.

"He's not particularly fond of you either, but you'll have to live with it."

They fell into silence and then Erik said,

"So what do you want for Christmas?"

"Erik, you're supposed to surprise me." She said tiredly and looked him over. "When was the last time that you went upstairs to do some haunting?"

"Oh, I don't know. Last week, I think."

"Well, go and do something now so I can tidy the cellar. I hear that they've just ordered a new chandelier, so go and think up a way to destroy this one." She said, pushing him towards the door.

"But… but… Buffy!" He cried but she closed the door in his face.

"Men…" She muttered, pulling out a dust buster.

* * *

Erik liked silence. It was comforting and peaceful. At least, it usually was.

With Raoul de Chagny sat opposite him wearing that inane smile, silence became distinctly uncomfortable. Christine was showing Dennis what she'd done with the cellar. Apparently she'd decorated it, not that Erik had noticed. But why couldn't she just _tell_ Dennis that she'd decorated it? Why did she have to show her and leave him alone with… the fop?

Raoul looked around, clucked his tongue and then smiled again. Erik glared at him but Raoul's smile did not fade.

"Is that a new mask?" He asked, making a stab at conversation.

"No." Erik said flatly.

"Oh." Raoul said, somewhat deflated. He tried again. "It looks new."

"It's not."

"Oh… did you polish it?"

"No."

"Oh… perhaps you should."

"Christine!" Erik shouted, fighting the urge to reach for his Punjab lasso. The women came out, chattering cheerfully.

"Yes Erik, what is it?" Christine asked.

"We were wondering where you'd gotten to." Raoul smiled.

Christine smiled back, sitting beside Erik. Dennis patted Raoul's hand.

"Christine was just showing me the lovely décor. Isn't it nice, dear?"

"Oh, yes!" Raoul smiled. Erik glanced at his watch. Buffy was on but Christine caught him looking.

"Erik, you can miss Buffy for one day."

He pouted but cheered up considerably when Dennis put a plate of cookies out.

"Here you go, Erik. I made them especially for you." She smiled.

"So you'll both come for the Christmas party?" Christine said.

"We'd love to!" Raoul said brightly.

Erik spluttered on a cookie.

"What party?"

"The party we're holding on Christmas Eve, darling." Christine said sweetly. "Have another cookie."

"Don't distract me with cookies! You never said anything to me about a party!"

"That's because I knew you'd react like this." Christine said airily and looked at her guests. "Dennis, how's your sister? And the other people at the society?"

"I don't really see her much." Dennis admitted. "And I don't really talk to the society anymore. Since I'm not officially a Raoul/Christine shipper anymore."

Dennis had been the leader of the Friends-of-the-Fop Society, a group of Raoul/Christine shippers.

"I hear they don't meet much. I'm considered a traitor now."

"That's a shame." Christine said.

"Well, I don't mind too much. Raoul and I get on so well." Dennis beamed. Erik snorted into his teacup and Christine threw him a menacing glare.

The rest of the afternoon went rather well, if a little uncomfortably. As Raoul and Dennis made to leave, Raoul handed Christine several envelopes.

"Here. Some of the phans still haven't caught on that we're already divorced. They keep posting you threatening letters and lists of reasons to leave me."

Christine took them and sighed.

"I'll have to make another public announcement. Thanks for coming; it was lovely to see you."

"You too." Raoul beamed and held out his hand to Erik, who looked at it blankly. Christine elbowed him and he grudgingly half-shook Raoul's hand, using his thumb and forefinger as though it were something unsanitary.

As their company departed, Christine opened one of the envelopes before rolling her eyes and throwing the whole lot into the lake. Erik darted to the television and turned it on. But Buffy had already finished. He pouted and Christine smiled. He had the most adorable pout.

"Erik, why don't you play some music?"

"Well… I could do." He said, going to his pipe organ. Christine began to clear the tea things away as he played. Playing with his organ always cheered him up.

**A/N: End of chapter one. I hope you enjoyed it! Chapter two will be up tomorrow! **

**This chapter is lovingly dedicated to everyone who is taking part in the Secret Santa at PFN. Except it's down at the moment, so I'm a bit miffed. Anyway, see you all tomorrow!**

**Love **

**Katie**


	2. In Which They Have A Genetic Experiment

**Chapter 2**

Erik glared at the list before him.

"Why do _I_ have to go?"

"Because I can't buy all of this myself." Christine said firmly. "It won't kill you to pick up a few presents."

"Why are we buying a gift for Piangi and Carlotta anyway?" Erik grumbled.

Christine sighed heavily.

"It's only polite, Erik, I worked with them and you threatened them. I wrote down everything that you need to buy, it's perfectly simple. But we must be back by four, the tree is being delivered."

"Why in God's name do we want a tree?" Erik demanded.

"Because it's Christmas! Now get out of that door before I punjab you with your own lasso!"

She could be very scary when she wanted to be.

* * *

Erik glared at the brightly lit shop window and then looked down at his list again.

"His and Her towels for Carlotta and Piangi."

He sniggered and wrote down,

"His and His towels for Firmin and Andre."

Markedly cheered by his own wit, he set off down the street. His mood was improved still further by tripping a small child up. The child started wailing and his harassed looking mother had to put down about fifty shopping bags and parcels in order to calm the child, who was now throwing a tantrum to rival that of a Hollywood actress.

Christmas shopping wasn't so bad after all, Erik thought as he went into a shop. As the towels were being wrapped in obnoxiously cheerful paper, Erik read the rest of the list.

**Meg - New Chinese Throwing Stars **

**Marie – New cane.**

**Firmin and Andre – A nice bottle of wine each. NICE ONES ERIK!** (This had been crossed out with Erik's new idea next to it)

Where would one purchase Chinese Throwing Stars, Erik wondered? The new cane was a puzzler as well. Some sort of weapons shop, perhaps? As he left the shop, he stopped a passing gentleman and asked about the Throwing Stars, only to receive a very odd look before the man scurried away, muttering to himself.

Why did people always do that?

* * *

Erik had very few fears in life. Very few. But he gained a new one when he returned from shopping to find a monstrous green mound in the corner of his cellar. He dumped the packages onto a chair and stared at it in horror.

"Christine?"

"Yes dear?"

"What the hell is that?"

"That is our Christmas tree, dear. Did you get everything on the list?"

"And a few extra things. That is not a tree, it is a genetic experiment." Erik said, examining the hideous foliage. Christine came out, carrying a large box which was overflowing with tinsel and those creepy little Father Christmas models that nobody really likes but every household possesses anyway.

She cast a critical eye over the gifts.

"We'll wrap them later. Let's get the tree decorated." She began to fling tinsel all over the place. Erik watched her, appalled. What had happened to his wife? Why had she become a tinsel-loving, tree-hugging Christmas freak?

He decided there was only one comfort available. A glass of milk. He ducked under a bauble that had been thrown towards him and dashed towards the kitchen. Taking out his favourite glass, he filled it to the brim with the delicious white drink. And then something caught his eye.

"Christine?" He called, peering at the calendar.

"Yes, dear?"

"Why is my mother's name written on Saturday?"

"Because she's coming to stay for Christmas. Did you pick up that bottle of wine for the dinner? Nadir's coming over and I'm doing lasagne."

There was no reply. Christine frowned and went into the kitchen.

"Erik? Oh, for crying out loud…"

He had passed out on the floor.

* * *

"You invited his MOTHER?" Nadir said incredulously down the phone. Christine sighed.

"I thought it would be nice to have her stay for Christmas."

"Christine, have you ever met Erik's mother?"

"No. He didn't even invite her to our wedding!"

"That's because she thinks he's a banker! Christine, don't you remember that conversation we had about this?"

"Of course I do. But she's my mother-in-law, I want to meet her!"

"And how, exactly, do you plan to explain to her that her son is NOT a banker but haunts the local opera house, lives in a cellar and regularly threatens the occupants of the aforementioned opera house?"

"… I'm sure she'll take it quite well." Christine said weakly.

Nadir groaned and Christine noticed Erik's eyelids flickering.

"Oh, he's coming around. We'll see you at dinner?"

"Fine. See you tonight."

Christine hung up hastily and put on her best 'everything's wonderful' smile. Erik blinked and then rubbed his head.

"I had the most horrible dream that you invited my mother to stay for Christmas." He said. Christine laughed nervously.

"Well, actually…"

"No. No. Christine, what have you done?" Erik said in horror. Christine pouted.

"Erik, I want to meet your mother! I'm sure everything will be fine."

"Fine? FINE? Well, YOU explain all this to her!" Erik shouted, getting to his feet. "YOU can explain why I live in a cellar and what I do for a living!"

"Why do I have to do it? You're the one who lied to her! I haven't even MET the woman!"

"You're the one who invited her for Christmas!" Erik roared.

"You're the one who didn't even invite her to our wedding!"

"Oh, so this is all MY fault now?"

"IT'S ALWAYS BEEN YOUR FAULT!"

They stood glaring at each other, both breathing heavily with gritted teeth. Eventually Christine took a deep breath and said.

"Look… we will handle this together, alright? Everything will be fine."

"That's what you think. You don't know her." Erik said miserably. "Don't get me wrong, I love my mother but this is too much. I can't put up with her for four days."

"Seven. I invited her for a week."

She groaned as Erik passed out for a second time.

**A/N: I know, I know, this was supposed to be up last night. But I do have a good excuse. I was helping my friend move house and pack for a university interview this weekend. Then, when I finally got home, we had a powercut and I couldn't get on the computer. But there will be a third chapter up tonight!**

**Love from**

**Katie**


	3. In Which SHE arrives

**Chapter 3**

"Erik, will you stop fidgeting?"

"I can't help it!"

"You could try." Christine said crossly, pulling a tray of mince pies from the oven. Erik looked nervously around the cellar again. If he was going to be perfectly honest, he had never seen it look better. But what would his mother, Madeline, think?

"Could you pass me the flowery plate?" Christine asked. Erik blinked at her.

"We have a flowery plate?"

"It was a wedding gift from Carlotta."

"And you haven't accidentally-on-purpose broken it?"

"Well, I was going to but it came in useful. It's in the dresser." Christine said, moving the steaming pies onto a wire cooling rack.

Nadir was, as they spoke (argued) collecting Madeline from the airport. Erik had pointed out that even if they gave her the address, she would probably think that it was a practical joke by directing her towards the fifth cellar of the Opera Populaire.

"Why don't you put the kettle on for tea instead of just standing there?" Christine suggested, placing Christmas-y looking biscuits onto the flowery plate.

"I think I'll just check her room again."

"Erik, her room is fine. Make the tea."

"Did you get that soap she likes?"

"Yes. Tea, Erik!"

Scowling, he began to throw teabags into the pot, waiting for the kettle to boil. Christine hummed along to some obnoxious song on the radio, a teenybopper band that was inevitably trying to cash in on the goodwill season. He made a mental note to Punjab all teenyboppers. Especially Christmas ones.

The telephone rang and Erik picked it up.

"What do you want?"

"Erik!" Christine snapped. He glared at her and said,

"Hello, The Phantom of the Opera speaking. How may I assist you?"

"Hello Erik, its Raoul." Said the fop's cheerful tone.

Erik pushed the phone at Christine, feeling worse by the minute.

"Hello? Oh, hi Raoul! No, of course you're not interrupting anything. Oh, just ignore him, he's always grumpy."

"I am not!"

"Be quiet Erik. The party? Of course, please do. No, we've got that covered. I must run, Raoul, Erik's mother is coming to stay. I'll see you soon. Byeeee!"

She ended the call and looked at her husband flatly.

"It wouldn't kill you to be nice."

"No, but it might kill him." Erik said, grinning at his own marvellous sense of humour. Christine rolled her eyes and said,

"Have you made that tea yet?"

* * *

Thirty minutes later, the doorbell rang. Erik jumped to his feet, smoothing his hair nervously and adjusting his mask. Christine smiled at him and said,

"Relax. It'll be fine."

"You won't be saying that in five minutes."

"Come on, let's go and see her."

The door opened and Nadir came in, laden under three suitcases and looking thoroughly disgruntled. He was soon followed by a woman in her sixties, with short curly grey hair, a kind face and dressed in a tweed suit.

Christine sighed. The woman was wearing tweed. How scary could she be?

"Erik! Sweetie!" She dropped her handbag and pulled Erik into a hug, kissing him and leaving large lipstick marks on his cheek.

"Hello… Mother." Erik said weakly. She pinched his cheek in the way only a mother can.

"Erik, darling, you're looking terribly thin! Have you been eating properly?"

"Mother, I'd like to introduce you to my wife. Can we leave my diet for a few minutes?" Erik said wearily. Madeline smiled sweetly.

"Of course, dear! Where is she?"

Christine moved forward, smiling nervously. Madeline smiled brightly.

"Christine! Darling, how lovely to meet you at last!"

"Hello Madeline." Christine was also treated to heavy lipstick marks. Erik was distracted by Nadir tapping his shoulder.

"I've put her luggage in her room. Can I go now?"

"If you want. But Christine's been baking." Nadir decided to stay after all.

"Where have you been hiding her, Erik? She's just adorable!" Madeline cooed.

Erik cleared his throat.

"Would you like some tea, Mother?"

"I'd love some, Erik."

"I'll fetch it, so you two can catch up. Help me, Nadir?" Christine said. The two left the room and Erik sat down with his mother who was looking around the cellar dubiously.

"I must say, Erik, this is a very… unusual place to live in. Does the bank approve?"

"Well… actually, Mother, I've been meaning to talk to you." Erik began, somewhat awkwardly.

* * *

Christine winced as the shrieks that permeated the cellar failed to cease after fifteen minutes. Nadir sighed.

"This is going well."

"Should we take the tea out? Perhaps that would calm her down." Christine suggested.

"You first." Nadir muttered. Christine picked up the tray, took a deep breath and went into the living room.

Madeline and Erik looked at her. She smiled weakly.

"Tea?"

"Oh, aren't you a dear?" Madeline cooed, the squawks that she had been emitting only moments before gone. Erik looked gratefully at Christine and reached over to take a cookie but Madeline slapped his hand.

"Erik! Use a plate!"

"Mother, it's _my_ cellar, I don't care about crumbs."

"Plate, Erik!"

Pouting, Erik took a plate. Christine poured them all tea, including Nadir, who had finally ventured fearfully out of the kitchen.

"So, Nadir, how long have you known that my son isn't a banker?" Madeline asked in a perfectly calm tone. Nadir swallowed nervously.

"Um… quite a while."

"How long?"

"…The whole time."

"Really? How interesting." Madeline said serenely. "Christine, these biscuits are divine, you must share your recipe!"

"I'll write it down for you." Christine promised. "By the way, we'll be hosting a little party on Christmas Eve, just a few friends for drinks really."

"How lovely! I'm so eager to meet Erik's friends." Madeline said cheerfully.

"Who exactly is coming to the party?" Nadir asked. Erik, too, was curious about this since he knew nothing about the party.

Christine began to list people on her fingers.

"Raoul and Dennis, Meg and Madame Giry, Firmin, Andre, Carlotta, Piangi and you, of course, Nadir."

"Christine, have you failed to notice that I loathe four people on that list, intensely dislike one and am only civil to the other three because you make me?" Erik demanded. Nadir cleared his throat pointedly. Erik glared at him. "I pay you, you don't count."

"Erik, we work with them. It's only polite."

"What exactly do you do, Christine?" Madeline asked.

"Oh, I used to be a singer in the opera house. But then I got married and stopped."

"But Erik loves music, why on earth did you stop?"

Well, this was awkward. Christine glanced at Erik, who was making a 'don't tell her' motion with his hands. But Madeline was watching her with piercing eyes.

"Well… I wasn't… I was married to someone else."

"Really?" Madeline said in surprise. "Who?"

"Raoul de Chagny. But then it wasn't really working and I wanted to be with Erik, so we got a divorce." Christine hurried to explain.

Madeline simply looked at them both. Erik swallowed.

"Uh… Mother, it's not as bad as it seems."

"I didn't say anything." Madeline said calmly. "Now then… I've got a few questions I wanted to ask the two of you."

She took out a roll of parchment. It began to unroll. And then carried on unrolling. For quite a long time. Until the end was halfway across the room.

Erik and Christine looked at each other in despair.

**A/N: Glad you're enjoying it! I promise that 'The Girl Next Door' will be updated eventually. I get out of school at lunch tomorrow but then I have to go and yell at my bank for taking my money and I'm going out in the evening and then I'm working all weekend. So... yeah, I'm not giving up but I am uber-busy at this current point in time. Plus I still have a few chapters of this to finish off. **

**Love**

**Katie **


	4. In Which Erik Reads Emails

**A/N: This chapter is a tribute to everyone at PFN and PPN. They gave me the questions and it was really hard to choose some to go in! Thanks to all who came up with the questions!  
**

**Chapter Four**

84 questions later, they were very nearly finished. It had been a traumatising few hours. Nadir was enjoying himself greatly, watching in amusement and snacking on treats as Madeline interviewed the couple.

Here is a sample of the questions:

**Q: How did you meet?**

Christine's Answer: Erik tutored me in music.

Erik's Answer: I spied on her for a few years, pretended to be an angel and taught her to sing properly because everyone in the Opera Populaire is imbecilic. Excepting the Giry woman. I suppose.

**Q: Why wasn't I invited to the wedding?**

Christine's Answer: It was all so rushed, a very spur-of-the-moment affair.

Erik's Answer: Uh… have some more tea, Mother.

**Q: How many children are you planning on having?**

Christine's Answer: I… well, we really haven't discussed it.

Erik's Answer: I despise children, you know that Mother.

By this point, Madeline had pursed her lips disapprovingly and Christine and Erik were hissing at each other under their breath. Nadir was chortling delightedly and got to his feet.

"Well… I'd better run. You'll want some family time."

"Won't you stay for dinner?" Christine asked desperately but Nadir simply snorted before composing himself.

"No, no, I er… have a previous commitment."

And he was gone. Christine and Erik both mentally added him to their to-Punjab lists.

* * *

"Erik, Madeline and I are going to wash up. Can you keep yourself out of trouble for a while?" Christine said after dinner. Erik scowled.

"I am capable, yes. I'll be on the computer, checking my emails."

Once he'd opened his email account, he groaned. Several months ago his email address had leaked out and ever since he'd been receiving strange messages from phans. There was something _wrong_ with these people. Something in the water, perhaps? He blamed television himself.

Oh, and Andrew Lloyd Webber. He had a lot to answer for as well.

Thankfully there were only a few new emails. He opened one and read it.

**Dear monsieur le Fantome,**

**  
I'm one of the many phans of yours for as you MUST know you have a phanclub. First of all I would like to congratulate you about your opera which was in one word wonderful. The music, the feeling...blah blah blah.**

**  
The best in your opera was the end! I mean wow flying with the girl was the best part! But then again you would lose her one way or another. Ahem! Now about that what the HELL were you thinking by letting her go with that fop! Man! You let 3000000000000000000...000 phans in the world with this question! What happened to the cold-blood phantom we all knew and loved? Just for a damn kiss (which by the way was awful) you let her go. Well that's all I wanted to say. Anyway man you rule, your opera rocks and your lair rocks.**

**Tigerlily**

His faith in the human race dropped several notches and it hadn't been high before. Erik opened a new message.

**Mademoiselle Tigerlily**

**You have been officially blocked by the Phantom of the Opera. Attempt to contact me again and you will find your computer to be virus-ridden**

**Sincerely**

**O.G.**

**PS: Yes, my lair is rather good.**

Erik smirked as he sent the message, opening another.

**M. Fantome-  
Exactly how much money did you rake in from blackmailing the managers? Do you like to tango? And exactly how many languages do you speak? Call it foreshadowing, but trust me, it's a really bad idea to drop large lighting fixtures. I mean it. Go play your organ or something. If Christine could be yours, but only in a more fatherly/angel of music aspect would you want to have her with you? What size pants do you wear? Do you have different masks for every day of the week? And where did you learn to pole a gondola? Can yours hands span over an octave on the piano? **

**  
So. I hear you teach voice... I like singing, beach walks and romantic ice creams.  
Yours forever- I mean truly! truly.**

**Dear whoever**

**The amount of money I made was sufficient. No, I do not tango. I speak 12 languages fluently and can adequately insult people in four more.**

**You drop a lighting fixture and see how very enjoyable it is. I refuse to answer any questions regarding Christine.**

**I also refuse to discuss the size of my pants. I have two everyday masks and several for special occasions, such as the punjabbing of irritating phans. Poling a gondola is a natural talent and yes, I can span my hands.**

**I have no interest in your singing, I despise the beach and my teeth are too sensitive to eat ice cream.**

**Sincerely**

**O.G.**

**Dear Erik, **

**  
I'm bored with my life. Can I move in with you? I don't take up much room, and I want to be a Phantom too when I'm a big boy.  
Your greatest phan, FAB**

**Dear FAB**

**Go to hell. I'll probably meet you there.**

**Sincerely**

**O.G**

And that was quite enough of that, Erik decided, turning off the computer.

* * *

"Oh, yes, he was quite an adorable little boy. Ignore that silly Leroux fellow, he was simply lovely. And whatever that Kay woman was on, she needs to get off it sharpish." Madeline said cheerfully. Christine giggled and said,

"What about the circus though?"

"Oh, _that_. Well, Erik took it into his head that he was unloved and, like all little boys, decided the best solution was to run away and join the circus."

"Why did he think he was unloved?" Christine pressed.

Erik cleared his throat and began,

"Mother, I really don't think we need to discuss that-"

"I didn't buy him the toy he wanted for Christmas one year." Madeline said carelessly. Christine snorted with laughter, clamping her hands over her mouth to try and stifle the chortles. Erik scowled at her.

"Mother!"

"What?" Madeline said innocently. Christine fanned herself with a hand.

"I didn't realise he'd always been that way!"

"What way?" Erik demanded.

"So spoilt. Admit it Erik, you always have to get your way."

"I most certainly do not!"

"Oh, you do TOO! Remember what happened when the managers refused to take Carlotta out of _Il Muto_ because you told them to? You ruined her voice!" Christine said. Madeline looked appalled.

"Erik!"

"She deserved it, Mother. And THAT, Christine, was to further your career." Erik said sulkily. Christine looked back at Madeline.

"What else can you tell me about him?"

"Nothing. I think it's time that we all went to bed." Erik interrupted.

"I think you might be right, Erik. I've had a long journey and I'm rather tired." Madeline said, glancing at the clock.

Once they were all tucked up in bed, Christine looked at Erik.

"You're sulking, aren't you?"

"No." He sulked.

"Oh, don't be silly. I only want to know about your past because I love you."

"Huh."

"Fine. Be that way." Christine muttered, rolling to face away from him. Erik glared at the back of her head. "I know you're glaring, Erik. Stop it."

How did she do that? One of life's many mysteries, Erik supposed, settling down to sleep.


	5. In Which Erik Shops With Nadir

**Chapter 5**

Erik was a very independent person, generally. He was perfectly happy to get on with things by himself and hated asking for help. As far as he was concerned, it was a matter of pride.

Which is why he was so loathe to admit that he had NO idea of what to get Christine for Christmas. It was an impossible task by any man's standards! Well, except for one man.

And Erik REALLY didn't want to ask him for help.

He glared at the phone and then sighed, picking it up and dialling.

"Hello?"

"Nadir… its Erik."

"How goes it with Madeline?"

"Fine. Look, Nadir, I need… I need…" With an extremely sour expression Erik muttered, "Ineedyourhelp."

"Sorry, didn't catch that." Nadir said.

"…I need your help."

Erik hadn't realised that you could _hear_ smug satisfaction.

"Oh _really_?"

"Yes."

"Well, that's interesting. What might you need my assistance for?"

"Buying Christine a Christmas present."

"Erik, she's your wife. Surely you can think of something."

"Obviously not, otherwise I wouldn't be putting my dignity on the line by talking to you!" Erik snapped as Nadir giggled incessantly. He lovingly fingered his punjab lasso as Nadir calmed himself enough to reply.

"I'll be over in twenty minutes and we'll go shopping."

"Good."

"Aren't we forgetting something, Erik?" Nadir said sweetly. Erik gritted his teeth.

"I won't say it."

"I won't help you."

"…Thank you Nadir."

"There, wasn't hard, was it? See you soon."

Oh yes. He would be getting one extremely crappy Christmas present this year. As well as a cut in his pension.

* * *

What Erik didn't know was that Christine had her own plans for the day. Mere moments after he had left the cellar, Meg arrived clutching what is known as the Essential Gossip Kit. Said Kit consists of:

**Cookies.**

**Ice-cream**

**Chocolate flavoured everything.**

**Videos such as 'Pride and Prejudice' and 'Bridget Jones' Diary'.**

**Alcohol in many shapes and forms.**

Once Meg and Madeline had been introduced, the three women sat around in the cellar and began to discuss that most sacred of subjects.

The incompetence of men.

"I just don't see the obsession. I mean, sure Buffy is _kind_ of cool but…" Christine shrugged. Meg giggled.

"D'you remember that time Nadir suggested you dress up as her to get Erik's attention"?

This was NOT the sort of thing that Christine wanted to bring up in front of Erik's mother. A swift kick to Meg's shin and a hasty subject change seemed in order.

* * *

"So you don't want to buy her bath stuff, jewellery, movies, music or clothes. That doesn't leave a lot of choice, Erik." Nadir said dryly as they wandered along the street. Erik scowled and kicked at the ground with a scuffed toe.

"It's all too predictable. I have to get her something… different."

"A puppy?"

"I WILL punjab you and I won't have any qualms about doing so."

"Fine, don't get bitchy." Nadir muttered, pausing to look at a display of rather nice hats. "Do hats count as clothes?"

"I'm not getting her a hat!"

After a few minutes of silence, Nadir said,

"Why don't you write her a song? She loves your music." Erik looked at him thoughtfully.

"I'm surprised, Daroga. That's not a bad idea."

"Thank you for your faith in me." Nadir said flatly. Erik was about to reply scathingly (he really was!) but a sound reached their ears, a sound so terrifying that it can only be truly experienced by following these instructions:

1. Take a cat.

2. Shave it.

3. Strap it by the tail to a fast-rotating object.

4. Leave for 8 to 10 minutes.

5. Unstrap cat.

6. Stamp on its tail.

Before we go any further, I would like to declare that I do NOT approve of this method. But I digress.

The sound that the two men heard was none other than that of several phangirls catching sight of their idol and releasing that hideous noise. They looked at each other in horror before taking the only possible route of action, one that any person with the slightest sense of self-preservation would take.

They ran like buggery.

* * *

When Erik and Nadir returned to the cellar, both were in a terrible state of disarray. Nadir's clothes were torn and stretched out of shape. Erik's cloak was shredded, one of his shoes was missing, his mask was half-askew and several chunks of hair had been pulled out.

Christine leapt to her feet at the sight of him.

"Erik! What happened?"

"Phans… almost didn't make it…" Erik said dramatically, falling into a chair. Christine sat beside him.

"Poor Erik… don't worry, I'll sew your cloak back up and we can find you another pair of shoes." She began to comb his hair carefully so it covered the bald patches. Nadir sighed and began to brush himself down, since there were no attractive women about to help him.

Madeline looked rather startled.

"You were mobbed?"

"Yes. Those phans are utterly insane." Erik complained.

"Phans?"

"Phantom fans." Meg translated. "They consider Erik to be something of an idol."

"Some have described me as a sex god." Erik said smugly. Christine smacked the back of his head and he winced. Nadir scoffed and then said,

"I'm going to take off. Do you want a lift, Meg?"

"Please." She said, collecting her things. Erik looked around and then froze.

"What the hell are those?"

"Your baby photos, Erik. Madeline brought them. Look how adorable you are!" Christine cooed. Erik groaned, putting his head into his hands. Madeline smiled.

"He really was a lovely baby. His first word was puppy."

Nadir and Meg both stared at Erik and simultaneously burst into laughter. Erik reached for his punjab lasso. They hastily stopped and left.

Once they had gone, Erik noticed something.

"You ordered pizza?"

"Yes, Erik."

"Did you… have pineapple?" He said hopefully, looking at Christine.

"Yes, Erik."

"Did you save any for me?" Christine smiled and passed him a plate, with a little pile of yellow fruity chunks. As he tucked in, Madeline pressed on in confusion.

"But… why did they chase you?"

"Because they're insane."

"A group of them kidnapped him last year." Christine said, smoothing his hair. "Him and Raoul. It was a mess and, of course, I ended up having to sort out the whole thing."

"It was your fault for marrying the fop." Erik said firmly. Christine glared at him.

"Don't call him that!"

"Well, it was!"

"Erik!" She snapped, moving away to sit on a different chair. "Raoul is NOT a fop and if you keep calling him that Mr Punjab is going in the lake!"

Erik paled at the thought of his beloved teddy-bear taking a swim in the lake and leaving poor Mrs Punjab as a widow. Christine shook her head in irritation and Madeline said primly.

"I think I'd quite like to meet this Raoul."

"He'll be at the Christmas Eve party. But if you'd like to meet him beforehand, I'm sure we could arrange something." Christine said, throwing a dark look at Erik, as though daring him to object.

He did not dare.

**A/N: I'm so glad that you're all enjoying this! Chapter 6 tomorrow! Lol, I haven't actually finished it yet, but it's totally planned! **

**  
Love**

**Katie **


	6. In Which There Are Flashbacks

**Chapter 6**

Erik hid behind the kitchen door, glaring at the two people sat in the living room. Christine sighed.

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Lurking. Raoul and Madeline are getting along fine."

"That's what I'm afraid of." He muttered, peeking out at the pair. Christine rolled her eyes and picked up a tray, carrying out into the living room, Erik closely in her wake.

Madeline was looking at Raoul adoringly, to Erik's utter disgust.

"Erik, I can't imagine why you didn't introduce us sooner! Raoul was just telling me about how you and he first made friends." She said happily. Erik spluttered indignantly.

"_Friends_? Let me assure you, Mother, that-"

"And here you were denying it the whole time. Such a silly boy, you're just so overdramatic. Would you care for some tea, Raoul?" Madeline said dismissively. Raoul beamed at Erik, who was desperate to wrap catgut around his throat. Except that Christine had hidden his punjab lasso for the occasion.

They all sat down and Christine and Raoul struck up a friendly conversation about his family.

"Well, Philippe is having fun with his new computer. He can't figure out how to work it for the life of him, but it doesn't stop him trying!"

"How long were you two married for?"

"Oh, about a year." Christine said airily. "It was good while it lasted."

"But you can only take so many death threats before you've just got to do something about it." Raoul said. Christine smiled.

"But it all worked out rather well, didn't it Erik?"

"Huh." She elbowed him in the ribs and he straightened. "Yes. Yes, it did."

"I suppose it was a hard decision." Madeline said sympathetically. Raoul and Christine looked at each other.

* * *

"_Raoul, I want a divorce."_

"_OK."_

_

* * *

_

"It was painful at first, but we decided it was for the best." Christine said wisely. Raoul nodded his head in agreement.

"But we're still good friends. In fact, I helped Christine move in with Erik." Raoul said cheerfully. Erik snorted and Christine looked at him flatly.

"Erik…"

* * *

_Raoul screamed again and Erik winced at the screeching noise._

"_A spider! Another spider!"_

"_OK, I've got it." Christine said, rushing over with a cup and piece of cardboard. She scooped the arachnid up and went to let him out. Erik rolled his eyes._

"_Why is he here?"_

"_Because he's a thoughtful person." Christine said as Raoul carried on unpacking her books. Erik shook his head in despair, carrying a box to the bedroom._

"_He's being screaming since he got here."_

"_Lots of people are scared of spiders!" Christine pointed out._

_Erik gave her a disparaging look._

"_It's a SPIDER."_

"_Big deal. You're scared of caterpillars." Christine muttered. Raoul looked up, interested and Erik began to regret the whole idea._

_

* * *

_

"He always was scared of caterpillars." Madeline said sagely. "He'd cry at the sight of them."

"Mother!"

"Oh, we're all friends here." Madeline said with a dismissive wave. Raoul was grinning into his teacup and even Christine seemed amused. Erik crossed his arms and slouched in his chair.

"I don't know _why_ I put up with this."

"Because I hid your punjab lasso." Christine pointed out. Erik narrowed his eyes but Christine had already turned her attention back to Madeline, who was saying,

"Weren't your family upset about the divorce?"

"Uh… not _exactly_…"

* * *

"_Philippe… Christine and I are getting a divorce." Philippe looked up in unadulterated joy._

"_Do you mean it? How wonderful! I know you loved her and everything, but she's just not right for you."_

"_I know." Raoul beamed. "And I've found someone else."_

_Philippe's mind filled with charming pictures of perfect young ladies wonderfully suited for his little brother._

"_Oh? Tell me about her."_

"_Her name is Dennis!"_

_Philippe began to cry._

_

* * *

_

"He's as big a fop as you are." Erik announced. Raoul looked rather upset.

"I _have_ asked you not to call me that."

"And I'm ignoring you."

"Erik! I think you need a time out, young man." Madeline said, her bosom swelling protectively. Erik gaped at her.

"I haven't had a time out since I was three!"

"The corner. Now."

Erik shuffled to the corner, muttering mutinously under his breath. Christine sighed.

"He's such a handful…"

"No, I'm not!"

"No talking in the time out!" Madeline ordered. Erik turned his back on them. Madeline shook her head.

"Such a stubborn boy. Now, Raoul, will I get to meet Dennis?"

"She's coming to the Christmas party."

"Lovely. I can't wait to meet her."

"Mother, the woman kidnapped me!" Erik called from his corner.

"Well, I'm sure you deserved it." Madeline said absently. Erik glared at her, fingers twitching. Damn Christine for hiding his lasso!

* * *

It was reaching the end of the evening when Madeline suggested Raoul stay for dinner. Erik made to object. His nerves were already worn down by Raoul's incessant enthusiasm, but Christine interrupted,

"Of course, he must stay! We'll order Chinese food."

"Yum!" Raoul perked up.

Christine dialled for the Chinese and Madeline said,

"Just out of curiosity, did you go to Erik and Christine's wedding?" Erik and Christine instantly looked a little panicked and tried to interrupt but Raoul was too fast.

"Oh, yes! It was very nice, we had pizza!"

"_Really_?"

Madeline looked pointedly at Erik.

"So Christine's ex-husband was invited to your wedding and your own mother wasn't?"

"Mother-"

"I must say, I find that most interesting!"

"Madeline, we-"

"I understand _perfectly_, Erik!" Madeline said, going red in the face and getting to her feet. Erik swallowed.

He could withstand mobs. He could withstand jeers. He could withstand pain.

At a push, he could even withstand Christine with PMT.

But he could not possible have withstood Madeline in a temper.

"Mother, I can explain!"

"Oh, you certainly DO have some explaining to do!" Madeline shrieked. Erik looked around for help. Raoul was sneaking towards the door and Christine had hidden in the alcove where the mannequin of her had been.

He turned to face the enemy. He faced her alone.

** A/N: I know, short chapter. But I'm building to something here, I promise! **

**Love**

**Katie **


	7. In Which Everyone Shouts

**Chapter 7**

Erik quivered as his mother shrieked continually at him.

"GETTING A NEW JOB AND NOT EVEN TELLING ME!"

"Well, it's not exactly new, I was never a banker." Erik tried to reason, but Madeline was ignoring him.

"AND NOT EVEN INVITING ME TO THE WEDDING! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SOMETIMES, Erik!"

"Mother, please calm down-"

"DON'T YOU _DARE_ TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!" She roared. Erik swallowed nervously.

"Mother-"

"AND MARRYING SOMEONE I'VE NEVER EVEN MET, AFTER STEALING HER AWAY FROM HER HUSBAND! I DIDN'T RAISE YOU THIS WAY!"

"She didn't WANT to be married to the fop!"

"DON'T CALL HIM A FOP!"

Christine winced as Madeline's voice permeated around the cellar. She ventured nervously from her hiding place.

"Madeline, please don't yell at Erik. He didn't mean to upset you."

"Well, it's a bit late for that, isn't it!" Madeline huffed, marching to her bedroom. Christine turned to Erik, who looked thoroughly miserable.

"Erik, go and apologise to her."

"I've tried! She just interrupts with another thing that I've failed to right in my existence as a son!" Erik hissed. "I'm not apologising, she's the one who should apologise!"

Christine ground her teeth, narrowing her eyes in a way that made Erik instantly regret saying anything.

"Erik, you are going to go in there and apologise to her, right this minute or… or…"

"Or what?" Erik said, not feeling entirely threatened.

"Or I'll move out!" She said in a poisonous voice.

Suddenly Erik felt slightly more threatened.

"Where would you go?"

She hadn't thought that far ahead, admittedly. Who would upset him the most? Of course, the answer was obvious.

"To Raoul and Dennis! I'm sure they'd be delighted to have me. I'm going out to do some shopping. When I get back I want you to have sorted this whole mess out!"

And she left. Erik threw a disgruntled look at Madeline's bedroom door before going into the kitchen. He needed milk.

* * *

"He just makes me so _angry_, Meg." Christine said, wandering around Meg's living room. The ballerina/secret ninja poured her some tea.

"You're both way too dramatic. Living under an Opera House probably isn't helping."

"I just wish they could get on." Christine sighed, collapsing into an armchair. Meg patted her arm comfortingly.

"There, there. Come on, they'll make up. People always fight at Christmas. It's like a law. But I'm sure they'll make up in time to create a wonderful ending to the story."

"What?"

"Story of our lives." Meg said wisely.

Christine nodded.

"I suppose so…"

"Just give them a couple of hours to talk it all out. You'll probably get back and find them hugging and making up."

"Yes. Yes, I'm sure you're right." Christine said. After all, it wasn't as if they'd kill each other.

Was it?

After all, she didn't know how adept Madeline was with a punjab lasso. She dank her tea nervously, paling slightly at the though of returning to find her husband and mother-in-law suffocated in her living room.

"Come on, let's go shopping. Nothing takes your mind of familial difficulties than shopping!" Meg said enthusiastically. Christine hoped she was right. She _really_ needed a good distraction right now.

* * *

Erik, meanwhile, was carefully considering his options in the form of a list. As far as he was concerned, he could:

A: Apologise to his mother.

B: Wait for his mother to apologise.

C: Wait for Christine to come home and apologise to her, hoping she would forget about the whole thing.

D: Wait for Christine to come home and ravish her, hoping she would forget about the whole thing.

E: Run away and join the circus. Again.

F: Hang himself.

Thus far, D was his favourite option. But he knew that Christine was highly unlikely to let herself be ravished out of an argument, nor would a mere apology work. He was most certainly not going to apologise to Madeline unless she did first. But, again, that didn't seem very likely.

So that left with the circus or suicide. Neither of which were entirely appealing.

"Back to the drawing board." Erik muttered, throwing the paper over his shoulder and starting on a new plan.

* * *

Christine returned to the cellar not to find Erik and Madeline sat together, avidly discussing their feelings and reunited in a stronger relationship.

She found that Madeline was still shut in her bedroom and Erik was on the playstation. Erik had grown bored of trying to come up with plans and had decided to challenge the forces of evil to a dual before trying again. Dropping her shopping bags onto a table, she turned to demand an explanation from her husband.

"Erik!"

"Yes dear?"

"Don't you 'yes dear' me! Why haven't you spoken to Madeline?"

"Because _she_ should apologise first." Erik said firmly.

"Erik!"

"Yes dear?"

"Oh! You're so insufferable!"

"Thank you, dear."

She resisted the urge to throw something heavy at his head. Instead, she marched over to Madeline's bedroom door and pulled the woman out.

"You two are going to sit down and TALK! I don't care if it KILLS you! You are going to sort this out so we can have a nice Christmas together!" She ordered.

Madeline and Erik exchanged a sulking glance. Christine glared.

She could very much grow to dislike this season.

**A/N: Another too-short chapter. This is all filler and I hate writing filler. I promise it'll pick up soon.**

**Love**

**Katie **


	8. In Which They Watch Buffy

**Chapter 8**

Christine sat Erik and Madeline down.

"We are going to sort this out like adults." She said firmly. "I want each of you to get everything out without interruption.

She looked from one to the other. Erik was slumped in his chair. Madeline was sat primly, looking aloof.

"Once everything is out, we are going to accept and acknowledge each others feelings and figure out a way of making it through the rest of the week without killing each other."

Erik snorted unceremoniously. Christine stood as there was a knock at the door.

"Ah, here's Nadir."

"What's he doing here?" Erik demanded."

"He's here to keep the peace." Christine said, opening the door. "Come in, Nadir, thanks for coming."

Nadir came in and took a look at the pair. He let out a whistle.

"Are you sure about this, Christine? This seems more like a job for Jerry Springer."

"He's not available; we'll have to make do." She said firmly. "And that stuff is totally made up anyway."

She and Nadir took seats and Christine looked at Madeline.

"Why don't you go first?"

"I don't understand why you would just fail to include me in the most important aspects of your life, Erik." Madeline said in a reproachful tone, watching her son. He was staring hard at the ceiling, unwilling to make eye contact. "I know you've always been independent but I'd like to at least be kept in the loop."

"That's fair." Nadir said and Christine nodded in agreement.

Erik gave them both a look that clearly said '_shut up or BE shut up_.'

They shut up.

"And I also want to know why I wasn't invited to the wedding and why you lied about being a banker." Madeline said. "You just infuriate me with your inconsiderateness!"

"Mother-"

"Ah, ah, it's still Madeline's turn." Nadir said sternly. Erik ground his teeth but Nadir was already looking back at the elderly woman. "Carry on, Madeline."

"You always act as though I've done something to upset you but you never let me know what it is that I'm supposed to have done, so how can I _possibly_ try and make it right?" Madeline said and promptly burst into tears, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.

Christine patted her gently on the back. Nadir waited until Madeline had recovered slightly before turning to Erik.

"Erik, why don't you answer Madeline's questions?"

"I don't…" He began but the sight of his formidable mother in tears seemed to have unnerved him. He took a deep breath. "Alright. The reason that I didn't invite you to the wedding was… was because I didn't think you would approve of me marrying Christine."

They all stared at him in astonishment.

"And the same thing goes for lying about being a banker. You're a very… _proper_ person and I live a very unusual sort of life and I didn't want you to be ashamed of me." He mumbled, going pink. Christine resisted the urge to go 'aww' at this confession. Madeline sniffed softly, watching him with a wobbling lip.

"The truth is, Mother… I have been told that I have issues with communication. I can see now that I haven't been very fair to you and I should have put more effort into our relationship." Erik said slowly, trying to choose his words in a way that would improve the situation without completely emasculating him.

There was a moment of silence in which Madeline sniffled appreciatively, Christine was reminded why she married Erik and Nadir felt positively sickened by the whole femininity of the ordeal.

"That was… very touching, Erik." Madeline admitted. Christine smiled sweetly at her husband, who instantly felt cheered. Nadir clapped his hands together.

"That was very good. But I think we should solidify this."

"What do you have in mind?"

"A contract. Both of you have to sign it and it'll mean that we never have to go through this again." Nadir said firmly.

* * *

**I, the undersigned, solemnly swear that I shall contact my mother in all events that may concern her input and/or interest. Such events include marriage, change of occupation and production of children. If such an event occurs I shall contact my mother at the nearest convenient opportunity.**

**

* * *

**

**I, the undersigned, solemnly swear that I shall no longer force my opinions, ideals and principles upon my son and his family. I shall also comply with his wishes regarding states of occupation and marriage.**

**

* * *

**

"That seems pretty fair." Christine said, reading over the contracts. Madeline and Erik both nodded and signed their contracts.

"There. All sorted." Madeline said in an efficient tone that suggested that she had been the one to come up with the whole idea.

Erik glanced at his watch.

"I don't suppose we're finished, are we?" He asked hopefully. Christine smiled.

"You can watch Buffy."

"Thank you!" He switched the television on. Madeline peered closely at the screen, having heard much about the slayer but not witnessed the show for herself.

"This is all a little far-fetched, isn't it?" She said at the first commercial break. Nadir looked at her blankly.

"Your son haunts an opera house and is a world-wide symbol. What's your point?"

Before Madeline could reply there was a knock at the door.

"Chinese delivery for Mr and Mrs O.G Phantom!" A voice called. Christine opened the door. A teenage girl with ginger hair that clashed with her uniform grinned at her.

"Hi! My name's Kirstie and I'm delivering-"

"We know your name." Christine said. Kirstie looked at her.

"How?"

"We met you in the last chapter of our pre-marital life story." Erik said. "I thought you worked for the pizza company."

Kirstie pouted.

"They fired me."

"Why?"

"I annoyed the customers apparently. As if I'm bothered. Here you go!" She handed over the bags of food. "Thank you for ordering for How Mein Food!"

"OK, bye now." Christine said, pushing her out of the door. Erik had picked up the telephone.

"What are you doing?" Nadir asked.

"I'm calling the Chinese food people. See if I can get her fired…"

"Erik, that's so nasty!" Madeline said in a shocked tone. Erik shrugged.

"I want to see what she'll end up delivering next. We can get an Indian next week."


	9. In Which Daroga Boy Appears

**Chapter 9**

Now that the family dramatics were, for the most part, out of the way, the attention of Erik and Christine turned to the imminent arrival of Christmas Eve, and ultimately, the party they were to host.

"We should have started planning this _days_ ago. The party is tomorrow and we haven't done anything!" Christine said, scribbling out a list of things they needed. Erik peered over her shoulder.

"How much is this going to cost?"

"Don't worry, the managers are paying. Indirectly." Christine said. Erik looked at her proudly. She'd learned so much from him.

"Why do we need three different types of sandwiches? Just give them tuna and be done." Erik said. Madeline looked at him, appalled.

"One type of sandwich? Good heavens, Erik, I can tell that you've never hosted a party before!"

"At the Masquerade Ball there were two types of sandwich. So we have to have three." Christine said firmly. Erik looked at her puzzled. She sighed and handed him a list.

"Find Nadir and go shopping. We need everything on this list."

Erik scanned it.

"OK… Christine, why do we need apricots? I don't like them and you're allergic."

"I'm making an apricot tart for the guests." Madeline said. "It was always very popular when we had dinner parties at home."

"…Right."

* * *

"Remind me again why I'm here?" Nadir said. "I'm a guest, why do I have to help prepare?"

"Because I said so." Erik said, examining the list and wondering where to procure caviar.

"Erik, we're going to have to talk about my pension." Nadir said tiredly. Erik glared at him.

"You mean about how it's going to be halved if you keep whining?"

Nadir glared back and snatched the list.

"Let's just get going. I want to get home before Coronation Street starts."

Dispelling the image of Nadir watching an old-lady daytime soap opera, Erik paused.

"This would be a good chance to find Christine a Christmas Present."

"You mean you STILL haven't found her something?"

"I'm been meaning to but what with one thing and another, I just… forgot."

Nadir sighed heavily.

"Do you now what to get her?"

"Nope."

"Did you consider writing her that song?"

"I forgot all about it, to be honest." Erik admitted. "But I'm sure I'll find something. Now, where do we get the caviar?"

* * *

"Christine, dear, that colour scheme is lovely." Madeline said. "But don't you think the balloons are a little bunched up?"

Madeline began to rearrange all of the balloons that Christine had just spent twenty minutes doing. Christine was about to say something scathing but decided against it.

She didn't want to be bound into a contract, after all.

She was just rearranging the flowers that Madeline had rearranged after she'd arranged them when Erik and Nadir returned, carrying what looked about fifty shopping bags each. They put them down and simultaneously collapsed into chairs. Christine smiled.

"Did you get everything?"

"Yes. That's why it took us so long." Erik complained. "I've written operas that are shorter than that list."

Christine kissed his cheek.

"You're an angel. Now get out of the way, we're busy decorating. Watch Buffy or something." Erik and Nadir settled in front of the television to watch Buffy fight demons. Erik watched closely.

"You know what? I reckon I could do that." He said after some time.

"Do what?"

"Fight vampires. It doesn't look that hard. It's all the emotional baggage that really stops Buffy from achieving her full potential." Erik pointed out. Nadir snorted.

"Erik the Vampire Hunter. Sure, that sounds realistic."

"You can be my trusty sidekick, Daroga Boy." Erik offered.

"No way."

"You can have a cape…" Erik said temptingly. Nadir refused to admit that he was tempted.

"No, Erik. Besides, vampires don't exist. They're as fake as Carlotta's highlights."

Meanwhile, Madeline and Christine were ever-so-politely discussing the best way to lay out the food.

"If we spread the potato chips out, they'll be easier to get to."

"But it'll look terribly messy; why not put them together so it's nice and organised?" Madeline pointed out. Erik listened in interest to their polite argument before saying,

"They're just going to get eaten anyway, why does it matter where they are?"

"We wouldn't expect you to understand, Erik; you have no understanding of table arrangements." Christine said pointedly. Erik shrugged.

"Fine. But no one is going to notice, wherever you put them."

* * *

Erik barely recognised the cellar when Christine and Madeline had finished. Instead of the relaxed and morbid atmosphere it usually possessed, his home had taken on the air and appearance of being in a family Christmas special. He glared around.

"It's so… _colourful_."

"I know, isn't it lovely?" Christine said sweetly. "And look, Dennis sent over a big batch of cookies for us to serve tomorrow night. That's nice of her."

Erik reached for a cookie but Christine slapped his hand away.

"They're for the party, Erik!"

"Oh, go on, Christine. Just one." He pouted. Christine smiled. She couldn't resist that pout.

"Just _one_." He took a cookie happily and chomped on it as Christine set out the cookies on the refreshment table. Madeline had gone to lie down before dinner and Nadir had gone home so they were pretty much alone.

Erik tapped her shoulder.

"Christine?"

"Yes darling?"

"You know in the contract, it mentioned children."

"Yes, darling."

"Do you… _want_ one?"

"What, a child?" She looked at him. "Well, yes. I mean, not right this instant, but eventually. Don't you?"

Erik swallowed a mouthful of cookie, his brow furrowed beneath his mask.

"…I don't know."

"Haven't you even thought about?" Christine said, turning to look him in the face.

"Not really. Children are… strange."

"You're not exactly run-of-the-mill, Erik."

"What's your point?"

"Let's talk about this another time." Christine suggested. "We've got plenty to do before the party. Here, start hanging tinsel up."

Erik took the shiny bundle and began to pin it up. He personally thought it looked appalling. So garish and tasteless. Christine apparently didn't share his opinion, because she clapped her hands together, cooing, "Oh, how pretty!"

"Isn't it a bit much?" Erik said doubtfully.

"No, it's perfect. Ah, here comes Madeline. What do you think?"

Madeline smiled as she came out of the bedroom.

"It's perfect!"

"Told you so." Christine said smugly.

Erik quickly established the fact that these women were a force to be reckoned with.

**A/N: A little, rather unsubtle, tribute to Elektra there. If you haven't read 'Erik: The Vampire Hunter' you must do immediately, the link is in my favourites. You are not going to find a better plotted or written story anywhere on this website. I wish I could write like her! Anyway, next chapter is the Christmas party! Woohoo!**

**Love**

**Katie **


	10. In Which There Are Brownies And Cookies

**Chapter 10**

At 7:59 on Christmas Eve, Christine was rushing around the cellar, not unlike a chicken with its head removed.

"Erik, will you get out of my way!" She snapped. Erik glared at her.

"I want my wife back. I don't like the crazy, party-hosting, Christmas-loving psychopath!"

"Well, you'll just have to put up with her until the party is over!" She looked at him in horror. "Erik, you're not wearing that shirt, are you?"

"I was planning to, yes."

"There's a coffee stain on it! You can't possibly appear like that. Go and change at once!" Christine ordered. Muttering mutinously under his breath, Erik disappeared into the bedroom.

At that moment there was a knock at the door. Christine hurried to answer it.

"Raoul, Dennis! Come in." She stood back and they entered, handing her presents as they did so.

"Oh, Christine, it looks lovely!" Dennis cooed. "Where's Erik?"

"Just changing his shirt. Help yourself to food and drink."

By the time Erik emerged, clean shirted and thoroughly cantankerous, all of the guests had arrived. Christine and Madeline were darting around with plates and glasses like some sort of darting animal. Maybe a rabbit. Anyway, Christine spotted him.

"Erik, go and say hello to the guests!"

Slouching, Erik shuffled off to 'greet' a.k.a 'glare at and insult' the guests who had invaded his home. His first stop was the managers who both beamed at him.

"Monsieur le Phantom! Excellent work on that last chandelier, the public are pouring in thick and fast, hoping for a new catastrophe." The short one said. Erik couldn't remember their names. Nor did he particularly care. The big one with the stupid haircut clapped a hand onto his shoulder.

"Excellent party, old chap. These sandwiches are marvellous!"

Erik moved away without replying. It was easier than killing someone. Unfortunately, his next port of call was Carlotta and Piangi. Carlotta kissed his cheek with a huge dramatic gesture. Erik resisted the urge to vomit.

"Erik! Darling!"

"Monsieur Phantom." Piangi said, bowing.

To clear up confusion, Erik did NOT kill Piangi. When he was strangling the short man, Erik had suddenly realised that he wouldn't have time to kill him before his cue came on and had decided it would be easier to just hit him over the head with a prop. Luckily, Piangi had suffered so much severe head trauma that he had no recollection of the event and continued to think of Erik as the friendly, if slightly odd man who lived beneath the Opera House.

"The cellar is looking magnificent, darling." Carlotta said sweetly. Erik eyed her suspiciously. Why was she being so… _nice_? The explanation came a moment later when she turned to take a sandwich and Piangi whispered,

"I crushed a pill and put it in her drink."

"Good move."

"I thought so." The tenor beamed.

Meg and Nadir were rifling through the CD collection and snorting with laughter. Erik saw Meg holding a Madonna CD and rushed to defend his manliness.

"That's Christine's."

"What about the Take That?" Nadir asked. Erik refused to answer. Luckily Madeline appeared with some mini sausages, which proved an adequate distraction for Erik to move on to the next set of guests.

Unfortunately for Erik, the next set of guests was Raoul and Dennis. Dennis gave him a tight hug, which Erik didn't entirely loathe and Raoul gave him a smile and a handshake, which he did.

"Hi Erik! How were the cookies?" Dennis asked happily.

"Very good. I prefer Smarties to chocolate buttons though." He hinted, rather unsubtly.

"I'll send a batch over next week." Dennis promised.

"Have you tried her Smartie brownies?" Raoul asked. Erik's eyes widened.

"Smartie _brownies_?"

"New recipe. Raoul likes them but I think you'd better try them before we put them out in the bakery."

Whilst Erik and Dennis discussed the merits over cookies over brownies, Madame Giry and Madeline were talking about Erik.

"I can't thank you enough for taking care of my little boy all this time." Madeline said earnestly. Madame Giry smiled.

"It was no trouble. He can be quite a dear when he's in the right mood."

"Do you know, he always used to write and tell me about you? Positively gushed about you."

"Really?" Madame Giry seemed quite pleased. Madeline smiled.

"He's really very fond of you. Not that he'd admit it, obviously.

"Oh, of course not."

* * *

Christine looked around. All the guests were now armed with party food and drinks. Carlotta was 'oohing' and 'ahhing' over the Christmas Tree whilst Piangi tucked into the three types of sandwiches. Meg and Dennis were with Raoul, playing Jenga, whilst a bemused Nadir watched in entertainment. Madeline and Madame Giry were exchanging baby photos of Erik and Firmin and Andre were exchanging Pokemon cards. Erik himself was sipping at a glass of milk and casting suspicious looks around at the guests. Christine joined him,

"See? Everything is fine."

"…I suppose."

"Ye of little faith."

"I have perfect faith in _you_, Christine. It's _them_ I don't trust." Erik muttered, with another dubious glance around. Christine eyed him.

"If you trust me so much, why won't you let me wash Mr Punjab?"

"He may only be washed by my hand. You don't have the proper training."

"Erik, it's a teddy bear. And what about Mrs Punjab?" Christine gestured to the grubby pink bear. Erik pouted.

"She'd feel unloved."

Christine looked over at Madeline.

"I don't suppose you dropped Erik on the head as a baby, did you? Because it would explain a _lot_."

* * *

At the end of the evening, they exchanged Christmas presents. Firmin and Andre opened theirs to find the matching his-and-his towels. Christine's jaw dropped in horror.

"Erik!"

"Oh my goodness!" Andre roared with laughter. Firmin clapped Erik on the shoulder again.

"Fine joke, old chap! Very amusing!"

Both managers had consumed a vast amount of wine. Otherwise they might not have been _quite_ so pleased with the gifts. Carlotta and Piangi were delighted with their own towels, even though Erik had 'accidentally' mixed up the tags, so Carlotta ended up with the man towel and Piangi with the woman's.

"Well, she looks like a man and he sings like a girl." Was his excuse to Christine later that night.

Meg was overjoyed with the Chinese Throwing Stars.

"Mine have gotten blunt! This is fantastic!" She cried. Christine had no desire to know _how_ she had blunted them and quickly turned to Madame Giry, who was opening her new cane. To test its ability, she hit Firmin round the back of the head. He blinked momentarily and then fell face first into a bowl of pineapple chunks. Madame Giry was very pleased with the result.

Raoul received a pleasant gift, much to Erik's chagrin. Christine had point-blank refused to let him purchase it. So the fop ended up with an easy-bake oven and some gift vouchers. Dennis had gotten a new chef's apron that read 'kiss me, I love fops!'. Erik HAD purchased that gift. Fortunately Dennis found it hilarious and Raoul was too busy playing with his easy-bake oven to see it.

"Thank you for coming." Christine smiled, as everyone left. Nadir was collapsed on the sofa and once everyone had gone, Christine handed him a box.

"Here's your Christmas present, Nadir. Don't worry, I bought it." She said. Nadir opened it enthusiastically and his face broke into a smile as he found the DVD box set of Marilyn Monroe films inside. Christine looked over her shoulder to make sure that Erik was properly occupied with cookies and milk before slipping him a cheque.

"Your Christmas bonus. Don't tell Erik."

Madeline stretched her arms.

"Well, I'm just about ready for bed."

"Me too. Nadir, do you want to stay on the couch?" Christine asked.

"Wouldn't mind, thanks Christine."

"We'll tidy up in the morning." Christine said. Erik nodded and said,

"After we finish with the presents."

"Of course." Christine grinned. "C'mon, let's get to bed."

With Nadir cuddled up on the sofa with blankets and a pillow, Christine climbed into bed and lay across Erik.

"Erik?"

"Yes?"

"…You didn't save me a Smartie cookie, did you?" She asked hopefully. He reached into the drawer of the bedside table and pulled out a cookie. She ate it happily and Erik put his arms around her, switching off the light.

"…Christine?"

"Yes?"

"…You're dropping crumbs in the bed."

**A/N: Tomorrow's chapter might be up a bit late. I'm working late, but it shouldn't be more than a few hours. Hope you enjoyed the party! Only two more chapters to go, woohoo!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	11. In Which They Wear Jumpers

**Chapter 11**

"Erik!"

He rolled over, burying his face in the pillow. Christine punched his shoulder.

"Wake up! I want to open presents."

"Hmph."

"Erik, get out of bed right now!" She snapped. He looked up at her crossly.

"Christine, what time is it?"

"Seven-thirty. A perfectly good hour to get your arse out of bed. Now get a move on, Nadir and Madeline are waiting for us!"

Erik groaned and pulled on his dressing gown.

"These had better be some damn good presents."

"Of course they will be." Christine said. "And I want to know what you got for me!"

* * *

"Oh, how _thoughtful_!" Christine cooed as she held up the hand knitted jumper that Madeline had bestowed upon her. "You made it yourself?"

"Of course, I always do. Here, Erik, this is yours." Madeline handed him a box, that would no doubt contain his annual Christmas jumper.

Sure enough, he opened the box to find the chunky green woollen item. He smiled weakly.

"Thank you, Mother."

"You're quite welcome, darling. And here's one for you as well, Nadir."

Nadir looked presently surprised. He had never had a Christmas Jumper before. He eagerly pulled on the red creation and beamed around at them all. Christine laughed and then held out a gift to Madeline.

"Here, Madeline, this is for you."

Madeline unwrapped the gift and instantly burst into tears. It was a photo album with plenty of pictures from Erik and Christine's wedding. Erik looked rather astonished at his mother's reaction.

"I thought you'd like it…"

"Oh, I _do_, I _love_ it!" Madeline howled, pulling them both into an extremely tight hug. Nadir sniggered.

Nadir's gifts were a bottle of fine whiskey for Madeline, a set of Jane Austen novels for Christine and a small, green teddy bear.

"Punjab Junior." He said by way of explanation. Erik looked positively delighted and fell into the lake in his eagerness to unite Punjab Junior with his parents.

When he emerged, spluttering from the water, Christine pushed a large, heavy box towards him.

"Here, Erik. Merry Christmas." She said with a sweet smile. Erik tore off the garishly bright paper and opened the large box.

He stared at the contents.

Then he stared some more.

Then he blinked.

Then he stared again.

And then, finally he kissed Christine so passionately that Nadir and Madeline decided to go and get a cup of coffee. When they returned, Erik was still kissing Christine.

And what, I hear you ask, incited this response?

The answer is every series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on DVD. All seven series. All one hundred and forty-four episodes, as well as extra features and cast interviews.

Madeline began to clear wrapping paper away.

"Well, let's all have some breakfast."

"Hang on; I need to give Christine her present." Erik huffed indignantly. Christine beamed at him as he crossed to the organ and cleared his throat. "I am going to perform a special rendition of Christine's absolute favourite song in the world EVER."

Christine alone knew exactly how much of a sacrifice of dignity it was for Erik to play this particular song. Nadir looked positively shocked and Madeline listened curiously to his performance of Blink 182's 'I Miss You'.

When he had finished, he was rewarded with some equally passionate kissing from Christine. Madeline and Nadir retreated to the kitchen for more coffee.

* * *

After an enormous turkey dinner with all the trimmings, it was decided that it was far easier to throw the dirty plates into the lake and buy new ones than bother washing them up. Christine and Erik doubted that they would have gotten away with this had Madeline not fallen asleep in front of 'The Muppet's Christmas Carol'. Nadir had gone home after lunch.

As they watched Kermit the Frog singing a touching song about the festive season, Christine looked up at Erik.

"Do you think that there's any chance that we could invite Madeline to stay for Easter?"

"What?" He looked at her in shock. "Are you joking?"

"No. Think about it, if we invite her for Easter, we don't need to invite her for the summer."

Erik had to admit, that was a good point.

"Well… I suppose so. But I would have thought you'd _want_ her to come for the summer."

"Dear God, no." Christine said, looking horrified at the thought. "I love her, but she's an exhausting woman."

"I seem to remember saying something very similar when you first invited her." Erik commented dryly. Christine rolled her eyes.

"Was that before or after you fainted like a woman?" She smirked. Erik recognised that smirk. It was the same smirk he presented whilst throttling people.

"…After." Erik said grudgingly.

* * *

By the time they got to bed, Erik was forced to admit that, much as he didn't want to admit it to either himself or Christine, this Christmas… hadn't entirely sucked.

"You had fun, Erik. Just say it. Playing cards with me and Madeline, eating until you can stand up, playing with your music." Christine said, snuggling up to him. Erik grunted not admitting to anything. Christine smiled.

"Thank you for my song."

"Thank you for my DVD's." Erik said, looking longingly towards the living room, where his beloved DVD's were waiting.

Christine caught the glance and sighed.

"Go and watch them. Just keep the volume down, OK?"

"I love you." Erik said, pecking her cheek and dashing out. Christine smiled as she fell asleep. He could be quite a sweetie when he wanted to be.

And when tempted with Buffy in leather trousers.


	12. In Which There Is An Epilogue

**Chapter 12**

Erik struggled to close Madeline's suitcase. OK, there had definitely not been this much when she had arrived. The suitcase had been closed for a start.

He sat on top of it and forced the clasps to close. They did, unwillingly. Erik grinned and revelled in his victory over the inanimate object. He lifted it into the living room where Christine and Madeline were making sure she had everything, when it promptly burst open again.

Ignoring Erik's swearing, Madeline checked her handbag one last time.

"Ticket?" Christine checked.

"Yes."

"Passport."

"Yes."

"Luggage?"

They looked at Erik who glared at them as he threw Madeline's clothes back into the suitcase.

"Oh, let me do it." Madeline said tiredly, folding the items neatly. Erik scowled and watched as she packed things, chatting as she did so.

"You really must come over and see me for a week in the summer."

"But you're coming at Easter?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world, Christine dear. Pass that jacket, would you?"

Christine passed the tweed jacket. Madeline slipped it on and closed the suitcase as easily as… as Erik hadn't. Thoroughly miffed he threw a deadly look at the case before saying,

"Are you sure you don't want me to come to the airport with you, Mother?"

"I'm a big girl, Erik, I'll manage to get a taxi." She said, vaguely, making sure on last time that all of her possessions were safely packed away.

Erik went to fetch himself a glass of milk as Christine tidied away the various Buffy boxes that he had left lying around from his marathon watching of the previous few days. Madeline was powdering her nose in a cracked mirror.

"Erik, why exactly _are_ all of these mirrors broken?" She asked curiously. Christine sighed.

"He got a little crazy with a candelabra. He was going through a rough patch."

"Hmm." Madeline straightened a wonky picture frame and looked at the clock.

"My taxi should be here any moment."

"I'll go and look out for it." Christine said, slipping out of the door.

Madeline and Erik looked at each other. He cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"I, uh… I just wanted to… well…" He took a deep breath and braced himself. "I'm glad you came."

"So am I." Madeline smiled. "It's been far too long."

"Yes."

"I look forward to Easter."

"Me too." Erik said, and was rather surprised to find that he actually MEANT it.

Christine returned.

"Madeline, the taxi is here." She said. Madeline looked at her son and smiled, putting her cheek to him. He kissed it obligingly.

"Goodbye Mother."

"Goodbye Erik. Thank you having me, Christine."

"Thanks for coming; it was lovely to meet you at last." Christine said, kissing Madeline's cheek.

The door closed and she was gone. Christine and Erik let out heavy sighs and collapsed onto the sofa together. Christine looked at her husband.

"Well… we survived."

"We did. We should congratulate ourselves." Erik commented.

"Good for us." Christine said. Erik nodded in agreement and looked around the cellar, with its decorations now removed and back to its original, far more preferable state of existence. He smiled happily.

"I very much prefer it like this, you know."

"Like what?"

"Just us. Alone." He said, putting an arm around her. "It's very… nice."

Christine smiled and stroked his hand.

"You know… there's still one more gift I wanted to give you. Well, _two_, I suppose."

"Oh?" Erik looked at her, rather interested. "Better than my DVD's?"

"I think so."

"Well, give me!" Erik said, grinning.

Christine leant over the edge of the sofa and pulled into view a pair of tight leather trousers, a cute t-shirt and a wooden stake.

A Buffy costume.

Erik's jaw dropped delightedly and he made to kiss Christine but she grinned.

"Don't you want to know what the other present is?"

"Right after I take advantage of you."

"Oh. OK."

* * *

By the time their… ahem, _activities_, had ceased both Christine and Erik were extremely hungry. Christine went to prepare omelettes whilst Erik put up their new calendar.

"So, what was my other present?" He asked curiously. Christine poked her head around the edge of the door and smiled at him.

"Well… I'll give you a clue."

"Clue?"

"Yes. It's due in about nine months."

THUD.

"Oh, for goodness' sake…" Christine said as she looked at the passed out figure on the floor.

And that, I believe, is where the story ends.

And this time I really mean it.

I promise.

**A/N: This is my Christmas present to everyone on PPN and PFN. You guys are awesome.**

**It is also a gift to anyone who has read and reviewed it. Most of the people who have reviewed my stories have been wonderfully supportive of my writing and I can't express exactly how much that means to me. I'm not good with words when they're from me. Which is why I write fanfiction.**

**A Merry Christmas to you all and God bless. **

**Love**

**Katie**


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